Blind people can't clap.

octabeck @ 2008-04-27T19:57:00

2008-04-28T02:17:35Z

None of the following sentences are connected to each other:

Jesus would be pissed if he came back and everybody was wearing these little representations of the incredibly painful way he died. Abercrombie & Fitch is a stupid and pretentious name. Feminism, by and large, is a societal necessity and hits the mark in terms of relevance. Adultery used to be a crime. I'm scared to go to the cops to report crimes, because the possibility of them arresting and/or interrogating me is often greater than the possibility of anything good coming from my report.

Some of the following sentences are related:

I've been working on my lawn; I want to make a nice, cut, green lawn to hang out on this summer. I put up a hammock in between a couple of small trees, with the help of Scott and Jake. I wanna go hit up some thrift stores and see if I can find a nice picnic table to put under the other tree. I gotta get a lawn mower here soon...

So yeah, Jake and Scott stayed here last night. It was surprisingly great to see them - we went and got barbecue in a gas station, where the guy taking orders berated Jake for not being quick enough to select side dishes.
We went back to my house, and Jake and I made some soap on the stove - Jake made a translucent bar of peppermint soap, and I made an opaque bar of soap with hot cocoa mix added. The sugar in the hot cocoa gave it really good lather, and makes your hands smell like chocolate. Pretty cool.
We drove out to the prairie around sunset, and drove toward this big thunderhead stretching out to Nebraska, and turned around after checking out an abandoned house by the headlights.

O how I miss

2008-04-25T06:34:13Z

O how I miss when I used to write big long eloquent posts. Let's pretend this is one.

it bit me

2008-04-22T15:41:03Z

someone spilled a frosty on my front porch
this big gooey chocolate stain
on the concrete

but every day this squirrel
shows up, and looks around nervously
before he starts licking the frosty stain

the stain is almost gone now

EDIT: post not meant to be serious or pretentious. i just think it's funny that squirrels lick my porch.

IT'S NOT HARD

2008-04-22T03:13:26Z

HEY LOOK AT THIS RIGHT NOW

2008-04-10T04:58:32Z

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am in need of one or two roommates, starting this August.

House is about a hundred feet from campus. Your share of rent = $334 a month, plus relatively cheap utilities.

(720) 936-3106

So anyway, as I was sayi - OH HEY LOOK A BUTTERFLY

2008-04-08T06:23:35Z

If ever there was a candidate for a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder, I'm it.

I'M SO OFFENDED

2008-04-05T21:34:50Z

The biggest mistake that members of a political or social rights movement can make is to allow themselves to become simply an organization of people that do nothing but get offended.

Getting offended is a mistake made by people on all sides of the political spectrum. The annual "War on Christmas" bullshit is a prime example. For those on the political right to reel in shock and horror at societal attempts to expunge Christian symbols from widespread public use and display is ludicrous. It is not, and has never been, the government's prerogative, and much less obligation, to "support" the celebration of Christmas. And as far as shopping malls and department stores that choose not to use terminology relating to a strictly Christian holiday, they are private entities that can say whatever the hell they want! If they want to put up pentagrams and "Hail Satan" banners, they can!

But guess what: on the other side of the political spectrum are those that get offended because of displays or terminology that evoke Christmas. The fact of the matter is, the pendulum swings both ways. For every private company that decides not to use Christian symbols, there's a company that will. Get over the fact that, like it or not, America is a country in which around three quarters of the populace identify as Christian.

The point? Don't take the expression of a goddamn holiday so seriously! "By god, I'll scream the words 'Merry Christmas' at every passerby if I damn well please!" Fuck! The point of saying "Merry Christmas" was supposed to be a jovial little greeting, not some grand political statement! And everyone else, just accept that yeah, sometime, somebody's gonna wish you a merry goddamn Christmas. It's not some direct shot at everything you believe in.

As with most idiotic problems plaguing this country, the mass news media is undeniably complicit. Whenever some public figure, be they movie star, author, or politician, says something ill informed or just plain stupid, journalists trot out someone they consider to be representative of a whole huge group to say that they're offended. When Mel Gibson went on a drunken anti-Semitic tirade, news programs were stocked with rabbis saying that they just. couldn't. be. more. offended. Did those rabbis represent the feelings of every Jew? Of course not. More importantly, who gives a shit that some guy whose job is to star in movies hates Jews? Does it affect anyone other than Gibson himself?

Unfortunately, and to everyone's detriment, about the only time the public hears from high profile members of a rights group is when they're offended. Henceforth, they appear to be nothing more than petty and childish brats whose only concern is that nobody say bad stuff about them. Getting bogged down in denouncing every instance of offensive speech neutralizes a rights group's effectiveness. If the civil rights protestors had allowed their jaws to drop every time somebody called them "niggers," would they have had time to get anything else done?

Getting offended is a vicious cycle. By continuously acting hideously wounded by every instance of idiotic speech, the "victims" of such speech remain permanent victims. The speakers of idiocy, then, have found an inexhaustible well of vitriol with which to continue injuring their target. Bullying only works so long as there are people to be victims.

By turning words and ideas into taboos, society has granted those words and ideas limitless power and appeal. In Israel, for example, societal taboos have rendered Nazi pornography prevalent and popular.

If all of society decided to laugh off "hate speech," it wouldn't work anymore. Klansmen would sulk at home on the couch muttering "nigger" to nobody. Minutemen would drown their sorrows in good ol' Murikan beer and mumble "spic" to themselves. If nobody cared, racists and so forth would find themselves powerless.

An exercise: Pick a word at random. "Spoon" or "banana" or "glockenspiel." Now watch a clock and say that word for ten minutes. Ten whole minutes. Does it sound like nonsense? Now take the same word and write it down over and over and over on a piece of paper for ten minutes. Does it look like a strange jumble of symbols on a page?

Now: pick whatever slur offends you the most. Maybe "spic" or "cunt" or "faggot." Again, say it for ten minutes. Now write it for ten minutes. What is it? Why does that word make your blood boil? Does it still?

ging ging ging ging FIRETRUCK

2008-03-11T07:42:05Z

Last weekend:

First new drain I've explored since Brick Titan/Crystal Pepsi last June. I think it's called Waterfall Temple or something ghey like that.

Oh yeah, and apparently a tiny human came out of Caryn's vagina.

On the subject of Hannah Retzkin

2008-02-29T07:36:09Z

"Chicks, man. You're lucky you found yourself a good one. Hold on to her."
-Anonymous

Damn right!

I get to wake up next to a woman with eyes that stop traffic. Not to mention a woman who, amazingly, gets my sense of humor and doesn't care that I'm a clumsy, awkward nerd most of the time.

I'm a pretty lucky guy.

STARSCREAM... I STILL FUNCTION!

2008-02-25T07:54:07Z

So I had forgotten how fun it is to wake up in strange beds several days in a row. And now I present, the Timeline of My Weekend.

Preface: Ian, Reed, Jason, Greg, and I had to go to the Springs to compete in the Regional College Bowl Dork Contest.

Thursday: Ian says we have to be in the Springs by 9 to attend some informational meeting. It's 7:30. We get high at my house instead and show up at the hotel at 10:30.

Friday: Matches begin at 8:30. Over the next several hours, we win three matches and lose three. During the lunch break I climb the mountain behind UCCS and scale some cell phone towers. After the matches are over, the four of us have dinner at Reed's parents' place, along with my folks, and Ian's mom and sister. 'Twas an incredibly wholesome dinner, and Reed's dad showed me how he makes his 'zines with solar power, recycled paper, and recycled hemp twine.

Saturday: Came in third in the competition. Spent a better part of the rest of the daylight hours killing time. Visited the visitors' center of Focus on the Family. Signed the guest book as James Dosbon. At around 8:30 took a magnanimous 2-1/2 hour drive out onto the prairie. Chilled in fields, looked at stars. Examined abandoned barn filled with stabby tools. Discover abandoned farmhouse featuring a pedal-powered sewing machine, with spool of thread still in place. Also, army jacket hanging on the wall. Listen to Andrew Bird and Beck, which becomes strangely and almost overly fitting for the situation.

Early hours of Sunday: Mock "Gangs of New York" until nigh 3 a.m., begin prank-calling infomercial companies. Turns out that, according to Oreck Vacuum representative Jennifer, their product does NOT arrive delivered to your home accompanied by homeless black people. For some reason, Ian's sister sleeps on the couch and I end up in her bed (alone, perv).

Sunday: Breakfast at Ian's, lunch with Jason's folks. Back in Baby Seal by 5. Loneliness and post-orgasmic letdown begin.

octabeck @ 2008-02-16T11:29:00

2008-02-16T18:29:18Z

Fun all-purpose write-your-own screed!

Goddamn (1)! They come here and use our social welfare systems without paying taxes! And those fuckin' (2) come here and move into isolated little communities, and don't bother to learn English! And don't forget all the fuckin' (1) that take jobs that rightfully belong to Americans. And don't we have enough people here already without being flooded with (2)? Not to mention that in this time of national hardship, we can't afford any more people that damage our sense of pride and patriotism. And their lousy (3) culture will dilute ours and replace it with their sleazy, backwards ways. Deport all the (1)!

(1)
1840s: Irish
1850s: Slavs
1860s: Poles
1870s: Greeks
19th century: Italians
1840s-1920s: Chinese
1860s-1930s: Japanese
1990-present: Mexicans

(2)
micks
donkey fuckers
Polacks
butt fuckers
dagos
chinks
gooks
spics

(3)
Irish
Slavic
Polish
Greek
Italian
Chinese
Japanese
Mexican

I hate it when people on LJ post lyrics

2008-02-12T05:25:33Z

Beck said it best:

Today has been a fucked up day
Looks like tomorrow'll be the same old day
There's people runnin' up and down the line
With grocery bags on their heads
And dollar bills pasted onto their faces

Today has been a fucked up day.

Best Moments of Wintermas Break

2008-01-18T06:07:44Z

In no particular order:

Sitting on old abandoned docks with Jake in Seattle, watching the immense gantry cranes unload cargo ships.

Fear and Loathing in Southeast Colorado with Scott and Jake. Abandoned houses, drug binges, petroglyphs, shady motels, brilliant stars, and shadier truck stops.

The city of Seattle in its entirety.

Raucous parties at Nick's house that devolved into drunken shoving matches.

Getting lost in the steam of the Glenwood Hot Springs with Hannah.

Making Adam leave his own birthday party in tears.

Christmas morning with Hannah and my family. She's a member of the family in a lot of ways.

Bowling three nearly equally scoring games with Hannah, and tearing my thumb open in the process.

Playing the What The Hell Is This Drink game with Hannah at Far East Center.

Shopping for dinner with Shlom at Pike Market in Seattle.

Watching the Simpsons movie with Aiden and Abreah.

Long contemplative sessions on the roof of the condo with Jake in Seattle.

Kissing Hannah at midnight on New Years, with fireworks going off overhead.

Shooting the breeze with Jim and Heidi Hogshire in the lobby of their apartment building in Seattle.

Late-night rehashings of World War II with Scott.

Going to the gym with Joe, where we thankfully equally look like pussies.

Hannah getting snowed in at my house for two days.

Deconstructing the flaws of Western society with Jake on the plane back from Seattle.

octabeck @ 2008-01-14T14:01:00

2008-01-14T22:24:17Z

Final impressions of Seattle.

This really is an amazing city. I get the feeling that everything I like about Denver can be found in Seattle in much greater abundance. Zines, bookstores, public art, good restaurants...

I've been here five days without a car, which has had the side effect of forcing me to become familiar with the downtown area. I feel like I have a decent idea of how to get around downtown Seattle. At this point we have established walking routes, familiarity with the bus system, found nearby convenience stores, gotten an account at a pizza delivery place, and met up with old friends. I feel pretty established.

Seattle feels integrated in a way that a lot of other cities would be shocked by. The city seems to have more of a regard for its homeless, too. Highway overpasses have "no trespassing" signs, to be sure, but they're accompanied by the phone numbers and locations of nearby missions. Seattle's homeless missions are located somewhat incongruously alongside trendy bars, a blatancy that would probably be overwhelming and considered despicable in a lot of other cities.

People here really are friendlier. Perhaps the closer quarters required by the shitty weather here have worn down societal inhibitions. In Denver you're regarded as some kind of creepy weirdo if you strike up conversations with strangers; either that or you probably have an ulterior motive.

It'll be nice to get home, though. Being Hannah-less for close to a week really sux. When I leave our condo in the morning and realize she's not beside me, it feels like I've walked outside without pants. I'll be seeing her in about 29 hours though, so I'll get my fix soon enough.

I really need to step up efforts on WOLF BOY. The website is STILL horribly underdeveloped, and I've been miserably lazy about mailing out copies to submitters. This coming issue promises to be a great one though, and being back in Fort Collins rather than flipping back and forth between bullshit primary coverage and WWII footage in Englewood will definitely increase my productivity.

In conclusion, here's me and Jake unintentionally looking like homeless d00dz in Chinatown.

C-at-l part deux

2008-01-10T06:59:27Z

Secondary impression of Seattle:

While the day in Seattle seems to overrun with vibrancy, friendliness, and diversity, the night is plagued by desperation.

I left our condo and walked to the Space Needle in the rain, where a toothless man repeatedly begged me incomprehensibly for something. On the slick cement expanse at the base of the tower are a dozen or so darkened kiddie carnival rides, where shadowy huddled figures stalk quickly but aimlessly through the dark.

High overhead, the Deco elevators kept zooming up and down the shaft of the tower to the rotating restaurant at the top, where chic diners are probably still nibbling at $12 cheesecake slices.

Still aglow in the rainy gloom of the rides was the Monorail terminal. Into the brightly lit station crawled one empty train, to park next to another 1962-vintage, pastel-paint-over-rust-flakes two-car train. The fare was two dollars, and I only had one, but the mumbling cashier/conductor let me on anyway. He hoofed it down the aisle to the front of the train and disengaged the airbrake.

While the train grumbled, rattled, and shook its way down the track, I tried to engage the conductor in conversation - after all, I was the only passenger. All I could get out of him was that he was from Ethiopia. Soon the train pulled into its other station - one of two. No one was on the platform waiting to board. I probably could have stayed on the train and ridden it back and forth all night with the conductor, but it was too sad of a scene and I had to leave. As I stepped off the train back onto the slick cement, the conductor began his long trudge to the other end of the train to drive it back to Seattle Center. Back to another station with nobody waiting to board. There's a schedule to keep, though, and he'll keep driving an empty train back and forth until midnight in the January rain.

Down on the street, it was time for me to find my way back to the condo. Across the wide brick plazas were scattered a handful of beat, shuffling men, some of whom slurred at me for spare change, while one man was content to swing his right arm in a wide arc and shout triumphantly that no bitches bes' fuck wit' him.

Three blocks to go to the condo, and from a third-floor balcony two blond girls, about my age, shouted out to me.
"Hey sexy!"
"Hey."
"I'm Lucy, and this is Jennifer. Wanna come up and get drunk with us?"
"Not really."
"Apartment 319! Come on up!"
"No thanks."

A block farther on, and a shaking man with scared eyes asked for change. I plunked my last two quarters into his cup and patted him on the shoulder and said I hope he could stay dry tonight. His severely burned lower lip started to quiver, and his frightened eyes darted back and forth from my eyes to my pocket, where I was shoving my keychain a little deeper into my jeans. Apparently he thought that my directness was a lead-in to a mugging, and he must have assumed I was reaching for a knife. He ran off and ducked into a crowd of drunks in front of a bar, to protect himself from me.

A block to go to the condo. A hulking man at a street corner approached me.
"Hey man, you got eighty-five cents tonight?"
"No, sorry, I'm broke."
"Shit. You got any smokes?"
"Nope, sorry brother."
"Where you get this nice coat then, man?"
"It's my dad's."
He reached out and warmly clasped my hand in his.
"Well I'm a dad too, man."

Back in the bright lobby of the condo tower. In the elevator a grinning couple asked me to hold the door while they brought an inflated air mattress into the car.
"You guys got someone extra staying with you tonight?" I asked.
"Yeah, but the inflater thingy only works in the lighter in our truck! Don'tcha hate that?"

See at uhl

2008-01-10T00:47:17Z

Initial impressions of Seattle:

-Somehow all the produce in Pike Market looks like flawless fake wax fruit. It's too fresh for January.
-Left Bank Books reminds me of Boulder in 1992 (yeah I was five then, so?)
-Shelves n' shelves of eclectic and poorly-Xeroxed ZINES (of which I randomly selected four) tames WOLF BOY, but makes me and my half-assed little self-publishing venture feel less lonely.
-News stands! Legitimate news stands, with magazine selections that rival Tattered Cover.
-Sushi bars at every other street corner.
-Architecture that runs the gamut from Art Deco to Moderne to Gothic to Italianate.
-Glowing neon in the rain, like Blade Runner without the replicants and eyeball-poppin'.
-The Space Needle looming modern yet corroded and ever so 1960s.
-The condo we're staying in is right out of my cosmopolitan Frasier-esque idea of city life.
-Disarmingly friendly people. Several strangers on the bus huddled in the aisle to settle on the best directions to give us.
-Epic cargo ships coming in to be unloaded by massive gantry cranes.
-Attractive youngsters in overcoats and pea coats, with a surprising lack of pretentiousness.

Seriously, honestly, this city is freakin' amazing. So here's my plan: all my friends and acquaintances move here, and we all live happily ever after.

Lookit me, I think I'm Tyler Durden!

2007-12-15T05:01:15Z

*ANGRY, CLICHÉ, NAÏVE, YOUTHFUL IDEALISM AHEAD. PROCEED WITH SKEPTICISM.*

I don't normally get much out of idealistic morality screeds, but this one kinda speaks to me. Granted, it's written in much more flowery language than I normally consider worth reading, but there's some truly rebellious ideas contained therein.

I've summarized my favorite points:

-Fuck the dream of a big house with a perfect lawn.
-Fuck life goals of acquiring meaningless stuff.
-Furniture, beyond perhaps a bed, is largely unnecessary.
-Shopping as a hobby is pathetic and revolting.
-Rather than priding yourself on buying environmentally friendly products, why not just buy fewer products in general?
-Getting by without a car is entirely possible.
-Plastic surgery and orthodontia are false self-esteem boosts.
-College is not an absolute necessity, and colleges do not have a monopoly on knowledge.
-Stay the fuck away from large corporations, both in where you work and where you shop.
-Strive to live in a small house in a neighborhood that doesn't require a car.
-Avoid fast food at all costs.
-Fuck vacations at Disneyworld or resorts. You might as well go on vacation to the mall.
-Boycott big box stores. Avoid strip malls. Shop downtown.
-Reject attempted cultural homogenization.
-Read a damn newspaper once in a while. Daily, if you can possibly stomach it.

I'm not going to delude myself or lie to you by saying that I follow all these points. Nor do I solely associate with people who agree with all of this. Food for thought, though.

I wrote about this a while back: true rebellion isn't skydiving or using drugs, but in thinking and acting in ways that might damn well frighten or offend 99% of other people.

While I'm at it, I'll toss in a few more caveats of my own:
-Reject social convention and mores. They're almost always arbitrary and unnecessary.
-Fuck formality and ritual. Similar to social convention, this kind of stuff is almost always meaningless. Honestly ask yourself, why does a wedding HAVE to have a cake? What's the point of formal attire? What's the meaning behind holidays? Why do you put up a Christmas tree? Why do forks go on the right and spoons on the left? Does it matter?
-As an almost obvious subset to rejecting formality and ritual: question religion. Question your religion. Question your parents' religion. Don't strut around thinking you've got the right answer.
-Don't think I'm endorsing atheism either. Militant atheists have a lot in common with fundamentalists. Self-righteous evangelism, mainly (although I guess this entire post could be construed as self-righteous evangelism).

*I should also add that I had a car for four years, and want to get another one... So at least I'm trying to be honest with you.

Kill it!

2007-12-02T01:55:24Z

We figured out a long time ago that it's much easier to control people
when we're all watching the same T.V. shows,
Listening to the same radio stations, going to the same movies,
looking at the same billboards, eating the same food,
And speaking the same language...
-Leftover Crack

Funny I was born when I was. I just happened to be born in the waning years of the 20th century - the waning years for American diversity of culture and locality.

Thanks to white flight, single-use zoning, highways, consumer preference for low-density housing, behold the revolting and homogeneous future of America:

All photos mercilessly stolen from here.

Let's not forget these:

According to NPR, the size of the average American home has more than doubled since the 1950s. What the fuck are people doing with all that space?

They sure as fuck can't manage it themselves. I worked as a landscaper this summer, meaning I worked on the McMansions of the somewhat-wealthy and the tract homes of those pretending to be wealthy. What I saw was amazing: Every day, as soon as the rich fucks backed their minivans and SUVs out of their garages (thus ensuring they don't have to actually step outside, where there might be poor people), the support crews showed up. Landscapers like me were accompanied at every nearby house by lawn crews, handymen, maids, painters, cable installers, sprinkler system installers - in short, people whose jobs were to do all the shit people used to do for themselves. I wasn't around when the rich suburban assholes got home, so I'm not sure if they hire people to do the nightly ass-wiping, but I wouldn't be surprised.

So this country has overbought itself. We're drowning in our own excess. I know that what I'm saying is terribly cliche, but there's a reason for that. We buy houses that are so big we can't manage them. We buy cars so expensive that we go into debt. We fill our houses with toys so we don't have to interact with other people. We live on cul-de-sacs so that nobody can drive past our houses, and we only have to get along with two or three neighbors. We can't possibly walk to the store, because it's several miles away across a busy highway. We self-impose housing ordinances that prohibit unacceptable shades of house paint.

We're so scared and bewildered by the world that we've built these personal mini-worlds to hide in.

And don't think the remaining enclaves of culture and variety are safe. According to this article in the New York Times, Denver's city planners acknowledge that Colfax Avenue is a strange, quirky place, and a haven for the down-and-out and destitute. So they're trying to destroy it. Where are the poor supposed to go? Every poor neighborhood is slowly infiltrated by yuppies and aging Gen-Xers until it's filled with so many goddamn Paneras and Starbucks and whatever the fuck American Eagle is, that it's rendered unaffordable and unrecognizable to its now-former inhabitants. It happened to Park Hill, it's happening to Englewood, and it'll soon find its way to the last few poor neighborhoods in the metro area.

So.

Welcome home.

GET A BIGGER P3N1S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-19T03:49:53Z

To negate the negativity of the entry before this one, I now humbly submit my
List of Things that Kick Ass:

Skyscapers
Airports
Free samples
Hannah
Rust
Canoes
Those giant biplane bombers from WWI
Petroglyphs
The Pleistocene Era
Macro photography
Freight trains
Corn bread
Diners
Well-stocked hotel vending machines
Static electricity
Lapsed copyrights
National Public Radio
The Gorton's Fisherman
Eggs
The Tsar Tank
The initial plan for the top of the Empire State Building to be a mooring mast for Zeppelins
Chinese food
People who aren't scared to walk alone at night
Gender and racial equality
Drill presses
Fire bows
Ramen
The town of Burns, Oregon
Waterslides
Waterfalls
Watercress
Water chestnuts
Obsidian tools
Tines
Civic Center Park
Leaving my comfort zone
Quasars
Denver
Fires
Abandoned anything
Adoption
Soup kitchens
Leatherwork
Lucky Charms
Claussen's pickles
Minimalism
Social upheaval
Redistribution of wealth
Dadaism
Bruce McCall
Peppermint
Lasers
The Moon
The Apollo Program
Hitchhiking
Kitties
You might not believe this, but George Foreman
1920s comic strips
The Great Plains
Storm chasers
Way-too-tall people
Couches
Rice
Duffel bags
Convertibles
Coral reefs
Submarines
Great Lakes cargo shipping
Derricks
Barges
Paul Westerberg
Colfax
Thrift stores
Jake
Priceless vases on narrow wobbly tables
Windex
Junkyards
Storm drains
Subversion
Infiltration
Memes
Trenchcoats
Snopes.com
Party trays
Clotheslines
People who give stuff to panhandlers
Kites
Balsa-wood planes
Scars
Pretty much any band Jake likes
WD-40
My aunt Nancy
Airships from the failed Navy program that nobody remembers, like the Akron or the Macon or the Shenandoah, and their resultant crashes
The RTD Light Rail
Crustaceans
New England Clam Chowder (not that Manhattan shit)
Vivid dreams
Apaches (the tribe, not the helicopter)
Cliff dwellings
Dennis Kucinich
The fact that the only scientific instrument Sputnik carried was a thermometer, as if mankind had been waiting eons to find out what temperature it is in space (credit to Jake for that one)
The abandoned city of Pripyat around the Chernobyl nuclear power plant
Tim Krieder
Looms
Anything molten
Wolf Blitzer calling Katrina evacuees "so poor and so black"
The May D&F Tower
Christians that act Christlike
Whisks
Ron Popeil
Lifeboats
The John Wesley Powell expedition of 1869
The American Revolution
Gumball machines
Documentaries that have enough dignity to not add sound effects to gun camera footage
Radiator flushes
Six-foot party subs
Colloquialisms
Teeny little notebooks that actually get used
Pilfered office supplies
Terraforming
The surprising innovation of crack and meth users
Treble
Evil twins or clones identifiable by their goatees
Olde-tyme telephone switchboards
Mineshafts
Mercury (the planet or the metal)
Stencils
Fonts
Pizza rolls
Marriedtothesea.com
Leaving hilarious or offensive websites up on public computers
Dwight Eisenhower
Survivorman
Truck stops
Rune of Return (+3 mana)
Those tents rock climbers use
Rubbing alcohol
AUX ports
"You have found an abandoned wagon!"
Paradox Valley
Scrubbly McBeard
Open-mindedness coupled with healthy skepticism
Dave Perry
Those massive passenger vans from the 80s with cabinets and TVs
Gyoza
Waived fees
Epiphanies
Lampwork
Pyrite

Awright, that's enough positivity for one night.

Wuh oh, Davey's angwy again

2007-11-19T02:54:06Z

Rant #1

A couple of fun facts:

Faith is defined as a belief that is not based on proof.

Close to two-thirds of American voters say they want the President to be a "person of faith."

Why? Why is calling someone a "person of faith" a compliment? Why should we want our president to be someone who's more than willing to blindly follow an ideology which has ZERO evidence to back it up? Isn't that exactly how this country became so embroiled in the war in Iraq anyway, by accepting the claims of the administration and intelligence community without proof?

Faith kills.

Rant #2:

Why the hell do people feel it necessary to dress up and use their best dishes for Thanksgiving? Who are they trying to impress? Are they afraid the Thanksgiving Inspector will come by and disapprove of their appearance and presentation? If Thanksgiving is a time to spend with family, they shouldn't give a shit if you're dressed formally. It's not like you're going in for a job interview. And it's not like Thanksgiving dinner will taste any worse if you eat it off of regular plates.

Rant #3:

Holidays are pretty much bunk anyway. They made much more sense when society consisted of tight-knit, insular communities. Holidays were a time of mutual appreciation of an anniversary. But with people more isolated today than ever before, what's it matter if you're celebrating something at the same time as everyone else? Why should you put a tree in your house and throw money at each other every December 25th just because everyone else is doing it?

Rant #4:

Fuck almost every instance of modern architecture. Shit like the new wing of the Denver Art Museum or the Seattle Library aren't meant to stand the test of time. Neither is every subdivision built since the 70s. And by the way, PLANNING and DESIGNING a "downtown" area, a la Douglas County, or Lakewood's Belmar, or Englewood's City Center, do NOT count as legitimate community centers. Nor will they draw more than a fringe demographic away from Wal-Mart. And I'd like to bulldoze every strip mall in existence (but with just monetary and real estate compensation for legitimate small business owners therein). Fight homogenization!

So I'm pretty sure the preceding has been adequate to offend and/or distance any and all readers.

P.S. In retrospect, maybe I'm being a little harsh on the Art Museum and Library. They're not so bad.

I'm not all that serious about most of these rants. The questions I ask aren't necessarily rhetorical; I'm legitimately asking.

octabeck @ 2007-11-06T22:48:00

2007-11-07T05:49:43Z

Remember when everyone had a Livejournal?

Remember (and I never thought I'd say this) when everybody checked their MySpaces constantly?

Nostalgia for websites is totally gay, btw.

Hitchhiking

2007-10-22T22:09:00Z

Hitchhiking. Got any thoughts on it? Have you done it? Would you do it? Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker?

Personally: I've hitchhiked a few times, mostly from Fort Collins to Denver, and a few shorter trips. It's fun, easy, and I've yet to have a bad experience. That doesn't mean they don't happen.

I wish people weren't so scared of hitchhiking. Drivers think every hitchhiker is a murderer/rapist, and vice versa.

I'm enamored with people that hitchhike. It's a certain gallant boldness that's rare anymore. I've known plenty more people who would LIKE to try it, but are too scared. Then there are those that think stuff like that is "gross" and pointless, or just plain don't have the desire or see the need to experience shit that's inherently risky. Those people are boring.

I'll tell ya where!

2007-09-25T02:29:29Z

Does anybody remember that Paula Cole song from, like, 10 years ago - "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?"

It includes that line "Where is my John Wayne?"

For a long time I thought (or wanted to think) that she was saying "Where is my JonBenet?"

I thought, "Christ, Paula, haven't you heard?"

End.

Birthiversary

2007-09-12T05:34:20Z

My life would be significantly improved by the acquiring of the following material possessions: an mp3 player, a digital camera, and a car. And tree fiddy.

So somebody ASK me to go on a rant about how woefully misinformed the general public is about something... so it'll be justified for once (I totally got a rant all ready in my head).

Oh and tomorrow is my and Hannah's six-month anniversary - and my dad's fiftieth birthday.

I'm probably only gonna kiss one of 'em, though.

C'MON GUESS WHICH ONE

ADVENTURE TIME

2007-09-06T16:42:38Z

The above is a fairly mediocre photo of the Picketwire Canyon in southern Colorado. According to the United States Geological Survey, it's non-navigable to boats. However, according to ANOTHER USGS source, the river experiences spring flows that are more than adequate for a canoe. The canyon is also home to innumerable known and unknown paleoindian petroglyphs and dinosaur fossils.

It also runs entirely through private property. Make-my-day Law, anyone?

Thankfully, the high canyon sides make the canyon floor invisible to those on the surrounding prairie.

So I'm thinking next spring it's time I tell jobs to fuck off, figure out some way for my rent and utilities to pay themselves, and finally fuckin' canoe that river.

Then, if I've got time, I'm gonna canoe from Denver to Plattsmouth, Nebraska.

WANNA COME ALONG?! It means weeks on end of mosquitos, extreme heat, little food, and intense physical labor, but it'll kick ass nonetheless.

EDIT: So I know this entry bears a striking resemblance to this one. The difference is that I'm two years older now and a little less intimidated by illegality. So don't count me out yet.